... Continued from Heart Surgery.
And just when I think I'll be undergoing this surgery forever, I wake
up one morning and the room is no longer dark. In fact, the curtains
are pulled back and all the windows in the room are open. Fresh air and
sunlight are streaming in. The sky is so blue. I can hear birds singing in the trees. I no longer feel the weight of His hand on me. I can breathe!
Tentatively, I look down at the incision. Still looks pretty fresh and oozy. Raw. Wonder how long that's gonna' take to heal? Hmmmm..... but maybe I don't really want it to heal. Not completely. Because then I might forget. And I start to reflect over the past several months. And marvel at the effects of the operation. Because the mystery of godliness is great.
I could have NEVER accomplished this myself! No twelve-step self-help plan. No amount of will-power or self-discipline. It took the hand of a skilled Physician to know exactly what type of surgery I needed. He is not a one-size-fits-all kind of Doctor, you know. He knows me individually, personally, intimately. Each operation He performs is carefully planned. Chosen specifically for each of His patients.
He selected the perfect operation to cut me to the heart, to completely knock me to my knees - or rather to my face, to humble me thoroughly, to drive me to Himself, to give me compassion for others in their weakness and pain, to allow me to see the amazingly ugly depth of my own depravity. To have perseverance and endurance and faith worked into my heart. To see His amazing love and mercy and grace, to KNOW Him in suffering and obedience unto death. To feel just a glimpse of His pain and loneliness. The weight of the guilt and shame He took for me. Being forsaken.
And even though it was so hard to remain under His hand, even though I had to fight myself to stay there, on that table, to trust Him, I wouldn't have it any other way. It was more painful, yet more glorious, than I could possibly have imagined. Overwhelming. Humbling. Powerful. Freeing. And now I can truly rejoice and give thanks in ALL things. Especially in suffering and pain. Because I know He is leading me to a precious place.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4I could have NEVER accomplished this myself! No twelve-step self-help plan. No amount of will-power or self-discipline. It took the hand of a skilled Physician to know exactly what type of surgery I needed. He is not a one-size-fits-all kind of Doctor, you know. He knows me individually, personally, intimately. Each operation He performs is carefully planned. Chosen specifically for each of His patients.
He selected the perfect operation to cut me to the heart, to completely knock me to my knees - or rather to my face, to humble me thoroughly, to drive me to Himself, to give me compassion for others in their weakness and pain, to allow me to see the amazingly ugly depth of my own depravity. To have perseverance and endurance and faith worked into my heart. To see His amazing love and mercy and grace, to KNOW Him in suffering and obedience unto death. To feel just a glimpse of His pain and loneliness. The weight of the guilt and shame He took for me. Being forsaken.
And even though it was so hard to remain under His hand, even though I had to fight myself to stay there, on that table, to trust Him, I wouldn't have it any other way. It was more painful, yet more glorious, than I could possibly have imagined. Overwhelming. Humbling. Powerful. Freeing. And now I can truly rejoice and give thanks in ALL things. Especially in suffering and pain. Because I know He is leading me to a precious place.
The Great Physician answers the humble, trembling, desperate prayers of His children. Prayers to know Him more. To conform us into the image of His Son.
Though sometimes He doesn't wait for us
to sign the paperwork to begin surgery.
Because He loves us too much
to wait.
Hmm...really makes one think. I escpecially like the part where you said, "Hmmmm..... but maybe I don't really want it to heal. Not completely. Because then I might forget." It can be natural human tendency to forget and "stop being zealous." Thank you, Mrs. A. I really like the visual you so beautifully painted in these last few posts. :)
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