The Pain of Forgiveness (Part 2)

... Continued from Part 1
 
Revenge is ugly.  It causes more wounds, more pain in the Body, and more problems in my personal relationships.  It may make me, the original "victim", feel vindicated initially.  But it actually causes me more strife and does more damage in the long run.

So, what did Jesus teach as the Biblical response to being wounded?  Forgiveness.

forgive - 1) to cease to blame or hold resentment against someone; 2) to grant pardon for (a mistake, wrongdoing, etc.); 3) to free or pardon someone from penalty; 4) to free from the obligation of (a debt, payment, etc.)  

"'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.'"  Mat 18:21b-22

• "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."  Mat 6:14-15  

Cognitively I know this.  I'm painfully aware of the forgiveness I so desperately need.  And sometimes just remembering this is all it takes for me to forgive.  But for me personally, the primary motivator in this verse is fear.  And fear usually isn't a strong enough motivator for me to accomplish complete forgiveness.

• "In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.  This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."  Mat 18:34-35  

Ouch.  I know.  Another fear-motivated verse.  But it does throw a bit of a kink in things. Why did God have to bring my heart into this?  Because forgiveness requires more than just cognitive acceptance.  This is talking about removing every last shard of wrong emotion toward the other person and replacing it with right emotion.  And since forgiveness requires a heart-change, God was just added into the equation.  I can't fake what's really in my heart.  And I'm so torn up when I know there are shards of yuck still in there.

At this point I'd like to season this painful situation with some truth.  Don't want to bog you down with Scripture references here, but they can all be found in this post.

• A combination of important foundational thinking:  God is good.  God is perfect.  God is love.  Every circumstance God either actively causes or willingly allows to happen for our good and His glory.  Pain is a good thing.  Developing maturity, Christ-likeness, and perseverance within me if I don't fight against it.

Continuing on with Jesus' teaching:

• "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.'  But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person.  If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.  If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.  Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you."  Mat 5:38-42  

The correct external Biblical response.  What forgiveness looks like on the outside.  "Turn the other cheek."  "Go the extra mile."  This is what I SHOULD do, how I SHOULD behave.  

But what about my heart?  What's going on on the inside to have this kind of behavior spill out?  Is it even possible to live this way?

To be continued ... The Pain of Forgiveness (Part 3)