The Pain of Forgiveness (Part 4)

... Continued from Part 3.

Let's start by pulling together the thoughts from the first 3 parts in one place:

In the community of believers, wounds are inevitable. 

Wounds cause damage and must be properly dealt with for healing to take place.

Regardless of intention, wounds cause real pain.

My knee-jerk reaction to being wounded is revenge.  Yuck.

Jesus taught the correct Biblical response to being wounded is forgiveness.

If I forgive others, God will forgive me.

If I don't forgive others, God won't forgive me.

Forgiveness must be from the heart.

Jesus demonstrated forgiveness while on the cross.

Stephen demonstrated forgiveness while being stoned.

Here are my remaining questions:

What is the most powerful Biblical motivator to foster forgiveness?

How can I truly forgive from my heart?

What do I do with the pain?

Fostering Obedience (Forgiveness) Through Biblical Motivation

In Part 2, I discovered that fear of future punishment isn't the best motivator.  Not for me anyway.  But I have encountered something that trumps it.  Hands down.  Every time I can wrap my brain around it.  Actually, it's the strongest power in the entire universe.  Gospel love.  

When I pursue Christ with everything I am (Jer 29:13-14a, Psa 63:1), I start to really know God and understand His love for me.  As He allows me to grasp His love, I am simply overwhelmed.  His love is better than life itself.  (Psa 63:6)  This abundant, sacrificial, overpowering love.

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."  (Eph 3:16-19)

This fullness, this soul satisfaction (Psa 63:5), wells up into joy and utter delight in the LORD (Psa 43:4).  And when I am FULL of JOY in God (Psa 16:11), when I am HIGH on His LOVE, when I am fully SATISFIED in JESUS (Isa 55:1-2), I can't help but have that love spill out into all my other relationships.  John Piper said it well, "Obedience flows out of love of God, not compulsion."  Gospel love is the most powerful Biblical motivator in the universe.  Forgiveness is a fruit of this gospel love.  "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."  (1 Pet 4:8)

Heart Forgiveness

Here's where things start to get tricky.  Because it is God who works in me to will and to act according to His good purpose.  (Phil 2:13)  Ultimately, it is God who changes my heart, my desires, and ultimately my actions as gospel love invades my world.  

It is God who crowns me with love and compassion (Psa 103:4), directs my heart into His love (2 Th 3:5), makes my love increase and overflow for other people (1 Th 3:12), strengthens my heart for obedience (1 Th 3:13), creates purity in my heart and a steadfast spirit within me (Psa 51:10), fills me with joy, and grants me a willing spirit to sustain me (Psa 51:12).

But sometimes, the heart change doesn't come immediately.  When I expect it to.  When I want it to.  Sometimes I truly want to forgive, but for whatever reason my heart seems dreadfully slow in following.  And it completely tears me up.  And this is where faith comes into play.  Because God promises to cleanse me from my sins.  To cleanse me from unforgiveness.

So when I'm weeping over my unforgiving heart, I can believe God's promise: "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.  He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him."  (Psa 126:5-6)  And know I will joyfully see the fruit of forgiveness in my heart.

When I feel like forgiveness will never come, I can "actively, aggressively rest in God": "Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.  I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.  My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.  O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.  He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins."  (Psa 130: 1-2, 5-8)  And know my waiting, my watching  will be satisfied with deliverance from unforgiveness.

When my faith seems much smaller than a mustard seed, I can simply believe God's word is true.  He will work forgiveness into my heart as I "actively, aggressively rest in Him"  because He said so: "I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols.  I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws."  (Ezek 36:25-27)  And know that forgiveness has been promised to me.

What Do I Do With the Pain?

The million dollar question.  While I am pursuing God, seeking complete joy and satisfaction in Him, bathing in gospel love, aggressively resting in His promises ... what do I do with the pain?  When it feels like someone is stabbing a knife in my back, or pushing a firebrand through my chest, or ripping my guts out?

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."  (Col 3:13)  How did Jesus handle the pain from the wounds inflicted upon His body?  What did Jesus do with the pain?  Did He try to get us to feel His pain?  Did He try to get out from under the intense suffering?  No.  He owned it:

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."  (Heb 12:2)  

endure - to bear without resistance or with patience.

I love this quote from RZIM, in their September 21, 2011 edition of Slice of Infinity:  "Miroslav Volf, himself familiar with horrendous violence in Croatia and Serbia, describes forgiveness as the exchange of one form of suffering for another, modeled to the world by the crucified Christ.  He writes, 'In a world of irreversible deeds and partisan judgments redemption from the passive suffering of victimization cannot happen without the active suffering of forgiveness.'"

Not a very popular idea in our culture or in my flesh.  But out of overwhelming love for God, out of powerful gospel love for my brother, for the joy set before me of a restored relationship, I must be willing to own the pain.  Not escape it.  Not transfer it.  Not ignore it.  Own it.  And keep reminding myself that pain is a good thing. 

So to recap this way too long post:

What is the most powerful Biblical motivator to foster forgiveness?  Gospel love.

How can I truly forgive from my heart?  God works forgiveness into my heart as I pursue Him and actively, aggressively rest in His promises.

What do I do with the pain?  Own it.

One last thought.  The amazing thing about pursuing forgiveness and owning the pain is the feeling of abundant life.  Think rich colors and vibrant hues.  And as the peace and joy from forgiveness increase, as my faith explodes, as my love for God overwhelms me, the pain seems to just melt into the background.

May our Lord be glorified in His Body as we seek to live according to His truth.